Silver&God
by DianaPana
Summary: She ran towards him, her hands wrapped around his neck and legs around his waist, she stopped and breathed in, from that moment on she lived life thought him. He was carrying the wight of the world bu he never dares complain about her, he would carry her around in the palm of his hand like silver running through his fingers.


**I started this story around the same time i started 2 Sides, but i could never moved past this point. I wanted to continue it and turn it around into a SasuHina story but after part 2 it would have felt like cheating. I had high hoped for it, i wanted it to be longer...but it feels right to end it there and like that so i decided to post it.**

1\. The Hyuugas

There was no way she was going to give up, no way was she going to let go of this pale slim hand, the doctors were lying, the equipment were broken, they had to be, her whole being was trembling and her eyes were watery, tears were on the verge of pouring down her rosy cheeks. Hinata's phone kept ringing and in her world she understood that the sound bothered him so she took her phone out and looked at it for a moment. 00:12, 13 missed calls and 9 messages, late March, she smiled at the pictured on her screen, a picture of them from last summer, a tear fell and landed on her hand, Hinata took a deep breath before letting go of her phone, letting it fall to the ground with a small thud. When the deceive started ringing again she realized it wasn't broke, so she step on it, again and again until the soft music disappeared.

The room was once again quiet and the petite girl focused on the body on the bed. Even bloody and broken he looked so beautiful, so perfect, she wanted to touch his cheek and lean in to place a kiss on his forehead but decided against it, she didn't want to bother him, she couldn't bother him, she wasn't going to allow anyone to bother him.

The hours flew and Hinata was still holding onto him with all her strength. It was early in the morning when the door flew open and people she knew came into the room, she didn't say anything to them, she didn't even acknowledge them, the words they were saying didn't reach her ears, she was looking at him, he was so pale, his skin was normally white but not like this.

"Hinata?"

The voice of her cousin broke her from her little world, only then did she look around and saw people, seeing them looking at her with pity…the urge to hurt them, scream at them, make them understand he was going to be fine hit her, hard. He had to be fine! But she didn't because she wasn't the only one hurting in the room, there was another girl and a boy looking at their brother dying.

'He's not going to make it' a doctor said once and all Hinata did was step on his foot, curse at him and tell him he was the worst medic she ever saw, of course Neji apologized for her and explained she wasn't like that usually but this was an emotional problem, she was denying every possibility of him leaving the world of being.

Hanabi said she heard Hinata scream in her room the first day, begging him to return asking any God that was there not to take him away, Hinata had abandonment issues since the awful things that happened in the winter before her 12th birthday . Hanabi was hurt because she knew at that moment she meant nothing to her sister, but also because the only pillar that was keeping her sister sane was one little storm away from falling.

Only one visitor was allowed to stay the night and the other female wanted to stay, so Neji came to take Hinata home which proved to be harder then he thought, the girl struggled, kicked and cried, only when he said she should be quiet not to wake him up did she settle down.

"Hinata-nee"

Hanabi tried to get through to her sister but the lavender eyes looking back at her were blurry, unfocused Hinata might have been looking at her but she didn't see her and Hanabi felt for her old self, the one that adored her sister, she wondered what would she had done in times like this? But her from now didn't give up and hugged the older girl.

Hanabi had a favorite story as a child and she asked her mother to read it as many times as possible, back then she was fascinated because she couldn't understand why the angel cried and looking at the image in front of her she came up with the same question 'why do angels cry?'

Finally when she was about to leave her sister alone in the darkness of her bedroom, Hinata moved her eyes seeing her for the first time in weeks, tears started to flow and the older sibling embraced her sister and cried into her shoulder.

Hanabi felt her heart skip a beat every time Hinata sobbed. There was movement behind her but Hanabi didn't have to look to know it was Hinata's bodyguard. Ko was the first one to see Hinata's breakdown, he was with her when her phone rang in the middle of the night telling her the worst news there could be. The room was quiet apart from the soft sobs.

After crying for quite some time Hinata fell asleep as did Hanabi, the sisters woke up in the morning, the younger one wished the other forgot about her monsters for now but Hinata woke up and almost flew to the door to go back to the hospital. Neji forced her to eat, take a shower and change before going back to the small white bitter smelling room.

This time when she was walking down the large halls she was calm, she watched everything around her, the other people whose dreams were crushed, the machinates keeping every loved one alive, the blood and tears from the ones that were one step away from dying and several from living, she wished she could help them all but especially the patient behind the door 109. Once she was in front of the said door she took a gulp of air and walked in, the room was empty, the other girl left, Hinata sat herself in the chair near the bed and again took the slim hand into hers. They were so very cold and thin, she could feel his bones, how could he be like this? He was slender indeed but not to this extreme, he used to have meat and mussels on his bones. She remembers when his arms were strong enough to lift her and spin her around, strong enough for him to carry both his and her books. Why didn't he tell her what was going on? Why couldn't he just say something, anything? But she knew the answer, he didn't want her to know because to her he was a hero and heroes are perfect, he was afraid she might see his troubles as flaws and he'd fall in her eyes but that could never be true.

She missed his voice, the color of his eyes, the kisses and hugs, she missed all of him. Without meaning to Hinata found herself wondering back to times quite as dark as this one. The story of her broken family.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The screams were real, the heartache was real, the tears were real, her father's pain was real and she just wanted to hide in the safety of her room until the waters cleared. Rising her head for a moment she peeked from under her long bangs at her family. As a kid she never asked stupid questions she was thought how to obey, how to put on a façade and how to be nothing less than perfect. But looking at this scene she started to doubt everything, when did everything go down in flames? Where was she when her perfect picture family cease to exist?

They were left behind hurt and bruised and she didn't have the courage to say anything, to even try to ease her father's pain. The family dinner was quiet but also incomplete. There was a chair empty, a plate full of food untouched. 5 members were present instead of 6. This was in November, she saw it on the Tv, the news of a tragic murder, the death of a 'rich bastard' was written in bold red on the Tv screen, that's when Ko, her bodyguard came in the room and rushed to turn it off.

Hinata couldn't even try to put a loving word to her cousin that was crying in the dark where none could see him. Neji, he felt the grief of losing a parent, twice. Her sister Hanabi was walking around in the middle of the night thinking, wondering just like her why was that happening. She loved her uncle, everyone did, there was something about him that you couldn't hate, or so she thought, apparently someone disliked him enough to kill him.

That week the phone never stopped ringing, also none bothered to answer but her mother. Every time her mother found her staring at her talking on the phone she'd mouth 'a friend' just to assure her older daughter she wasn't harassed by someone from Tv. Hinata was only 11 but she understood enough. This all happened in November, little did she know her world would lose even more in the coming month.

Somehow, walking on tiptoes they succeeded to move past Hizashi's death, well at least everyone acted like they did. It was the first day of December when at dinner more people were present and also the 'kids' were asked to eat in their rooms. She was a curious child so when she heard the plates chatter and chairs being moved around she left her room to watch the front door and peek at their, her father's guests. It wasn't long and 4 men left the house, men she never saw before, that's also when it all started, the absence of someone, oh so important to the small girl.

It was December when she spend her nights sleeping near the door of her father's office in an attend to guard him, to save him, to fill the holes left behind. Hanabi wouldn't leave her room and Neji was putting on a mask of indifference only to cry at night. It was December when once again her family was on the news. 'Ran away' that's what they say she did, Hinata knew it was accurate but it still hurt.

Blame it on the sleepless nights but she started to think that this perfection she always heard about didn't exist. At the family table people stopped coming, usually it would be just her and Neji. Hanabi being locked in her room and her father in his office.

The liars behind the screen were saying the Hyuga Head didn't even care, but she knew they were wrong, she saw it in his eyes. He worked at night and went to sleep at dawn. Every time he left his Biro she would be there and he'd look at her with so much love and care, but it hurt because her father was in pieces and she didn't know how to glue them together, she didn't know how to put herself together either. Everyone in the house knew Hiashi tried not to worry them because he was the adult and he was supposed to know what to do but Hinata saw it in him that he was just as confused as her.

They were left behind, bloody and broke. In less than a month after her beloved uncle died her mother ran away with another man, or so she heard.

"Hinata-sama you should go to bed"

Ko told her that every night but she'd ignore him and sit near the door to be close to her father. It was New Year's Eve when her father broke down and started to throw his things all over the floor of his favorite room in the past month. Hinata heard it since she was near him as usual but she didn't do anything, she didn't know what to do…but it was that moment when she realized that her mother left and she wasn't coming back. That's when she started to cry like the kid she was.

Her mother missed Christmas, her mother wasn't there for her Birthday and nor for New Year. She left her behind! Hinata started to go in a dark place where she blamed herself for things that weren't her fault. When Ko saw her crying he decided it was enough, he took the small girl into his arms to her room where he placed her on the bed. That night when Hiashi came out of the office his little angel wasn't there and that made him sob as well.

It took them a very long time to get past this, they all changed for the worse, Hiashi was cold, Neji seemed to stop caring, Hanabi started to be bitchy and Hinata insecure. Hanabi ripped every single picture of her mother, Hiashi started leaving the country for 'meetings' more often forcing Neji to grow up too fast, Hinata started to shut herself in, and so the great Hyugas fell from the once beautiful millionaires that were ruling the Hyuga industry to this pitiful excuse for a family.

4 years passed and nothing changed, Hiashi was making more money and ruling over the company with cold blood, Neji was starting to get himself into trouble because of his rebellious stage, Hinata started an experiment, she wouldn't talk for days to see if someone noticed, none did, so somewhere along the road she stopped talking, Hanabi channeled her rage into martial arts.

"Hinata-sama your father got back from America"

Ko would inform her and she'd just ignore this information, years ago she'd go running to see her hero and hug him and tell him just how much she missed him, she didn't anymore. When she was 13 she tried to stay near his office door again but couldn't stay still until the morning so she stopped.

Every caretaker the children had informed them that he was back yet he was never welcomed like in the past, in the beginning it bothered him but he grew indifferent. The house was big and spacious, modern furnished and it looked just like a house from a magazine, but it also looked just as empty, and not lived-in. The once noisy halls were dead silent, the once full round dinner table hadn't been used in years.

At 13 Hinata had to watch her cousin and sister fight for hours to no end, now the two of them weren't on speaking terms anymore. Everybody forgot the reason why they fought but the two of them haven't moved over it at least they acted like they didn't but Hinata knew just how much they cared for the other. But whenever they were in the same room they'd just sit in silence...well not like it was much different from when Hinata was with one of them in a room. Hanabi would come to her room and ask her questions, but also answer them herself, Hinata never saying a word, Hanabi never noticed her sister's lack of words or she just dismissed it.

Hinata missed the times when she'd play and laugh with her sister and cousin but she understood years ago that those times were long forgotten. Her sister coming to her room just to hug her, Neji always looking over his shoulder to make sure both of his little cousins were fine and her cooking for them onigiri, those could no longer happen.

At school it was an awful mess for all of them. Neji was a very smart person so he always did well in class but he was also in detention almost every day for various reasons, Hinata was shy and she never spoke to her classmates, she never uttered a word even when her teacher asked her questions, she just ignored all of them, Hanabi was a pain for both her teachers and classmates, she'd ditch classes and also get into fights regular. The Hyuga teenagers were known for being troublemakers and also for the fact that they always came to school in a fancy limo.

Once when she was 14 Neji came to her class to talk to her, she remembers how everyone formed a circle around the two white eyed teens only to hear Hinata's voice, to their disappointment she didn't talk to Neji either. He just informed her that he wouldn't be returning home with her and Hanabi while Hinata just stared at him, not even nodding or blinking, just staring.

She talked when she was alone, asking herself questions, doubting herself. She also enjoys singing but always away from all the ears of the others. She couldn't even remember the last time she had a nice long conversation.

"Hinata-sama have you finished your homework yet?"

Just like the clock, Ko always asked her that every week day at 6 pm, her eyes would fall to her bag and she'd shake her head informing him she didn't and also that she had no intention to do it either. Ko sighed but he gave up long ago trying to convince her she should do her work for school.

The house was always quiet and she'd walk around it looking at every piece of furniture in wonder, remembering the past action and the laughter, touching them finding the feeling unknown, strange.

One night when she was 15 she did her usual night walk around the house, when something different happened.

"Hinata-sama, it's late you should go to bed"

Ko never did that anymore, Hinata looked at him in wonder, he stopped suggesting her what she should do at least a year ago because she never listened. Hinata loved Ko and she never meant to disrespect him but...she shifted her eyes to the door a few feet ahead, walking slow to it she set herself down near it. Less than 10 minutes later the door opened and her father looked at her, his eyes softened when he saw her there. He always looked but never expected to see her there again.

"Hinata"

She just rose herself and bowed before him, then walked back to her room. That was different, she stopped going to her father's office, Ko stopped telling her what to do and she also stopped feeling the pain but then her chest hurt and she wanted to cry. She laid awake in the dark, not even trying to fall asleep because she knew once the tears started to flow she won't be able to stop them for the night.

Hanabi had a hobby, watching her sister as she wondered down the halls of her childhood house. Hinata always looked at things and touched them, her eyes taking in all the details about the object in her slim hands, her lips parted. Hinata always looked somewhere between wanting to cry her eyes out and wishing to laugh her pain away.

Haishi once took them to a meeting in the town, Neji casually hung around a group of boys and drank some wine now and then whenever their parents weren't watching, Hanabi went into the garden and started a fight with a boy her age because he tried to offer her help jumping up a stone, which offended Hanabi greatly and Hinata just stood in a corner watching everyone come and go, she saw all the mistakes in the painting, how people were nice to each other face-to-face so they can trash their name later on behind their back, because that's what rich people do, right?

At that meeting a pretty girl with long blonde hair came to talk to Hinata, she never meant to ignore her but not talking back was common for her, as was staring. Ino, because that was the girl's name, found it strange and she felt insulted, she told her father but her old man just shook his head and told her to be nice because only haven knows what the petite blue haired girl has been through.

The days were quite boring Hinata lately, a 16 year old teen found no more joy in just watching and so she felt bored most of the time. At school she still didn't speak to the teachers or students but in the breaks she'd walk down the halls and enter every room to explore, she always thought it wasn't her problem that some rooms weren't allowed to be visited, after all there was nothing stopping her. That's one of the main reasons why the detention room started to be a room she knew like the back of her hand. She memorized every crack on the ceiling, every stain on the floor, she was always the first to notice when something changed in it.

Hinata also noticed when a few people would stare her way a moment too long and she'd look at them only to analyze who they were, trying to remember their face from before or even a name in some rare times, but usually she didn't know either, they all looked like strangers, judging her, the way she walked, the way her hair fell…but that's what teens do, they judge because they can, because they think of themselves as better.

Neji was becoming quite popular in the school, the guys wanted to be his friends to be 'cool' the girls wanted to date him so maybe some of his popularity would rub onto them. Hinata heard people talk about him a lot, the teachers were calling him a delinquent, the students were calling him a legend and she called him...family. She once went to his classroom but never got in because he was circled by people, she wasn't scared of people but she didn't want to...scare them off, as strange as that might sound, she wanted Neji to have friends, he deserved them more than anyone.

Hanabi ran away from home for a few days once but she came back to the comfort of her house. She is 3 years younger than Hinata, but Hanabi always felt like the older sibling maybe because somewhere along the way her sister stopped talking, she was worried but never said anything, she didn't know if that was some sort of rebellion or just her way to keep her safe from reality.

The siblings, because really the girls considered Neji their brother and so did he, stopped talking to each other but they never stopped caring they always watched each other when they weren't looking. Also Hiashi was aware of the trouble the kids were causing but it never felt right to him to punish them for it.

Hinata decided once her experiment went on for way too long and she made a plan in which she would answer to a person everyday for a week, next week 2 people a day and so on until talking was once again something she did. But the first day none talked to her, none asked her a question, not even Ko and so the determination fell to pieces, the next day when the teacher asked her a question Hinata didn't answer, again and she just thought to herself 'why didn't you ask yesterday?'

Hinata started to change, her hair was becoming longer and shinier, her eyes softer and wider and also she was gaining some sort of light lavender color into them. She was beautiful and none could deny it, boys around the school started to see it and they were watching her, girls started to be jealous of her but never spoke about it, because she was…the 'freak', being jealous of her was silly.

Neji started coming home with a girl, the next day with another and so on. Hinata started counting them, wondering just when would they figure out. One day on the halls of the school you could hear a girl cry, scream and then a slap. Hinata watched the girl number 5 shout at her 'boyfriend' about how he was a cheater and then hit him, Neji didn't even look at her when he asked if she was done, he didn't even wait to hear her answer before he left her crying with a crowd of people behind her.

The rumors started to spread but no one did anything, actually Neji became more popular than ever, the girls didn't care they were being used as long as it was him everything was fine. The teachers didn't approve of his behavior but there wasn't much they could do apart from detention.

One day in the cafeteria a boy made his way to Hinata's lonely table and sat down, he didn't look at her or say a word until the lunch break was almost over. When Hinata was close to leaving he rose and shouted his love confession, Hinata just looked at him, puzzled, titling her head to the right, parting her lips. It almost looked like she was about to say something, but the bell rang and she just left.

The teen that confessed to her became just an urban myth, people were saying that none had the courage to do that, it was impossible.

A new teacher came into the school in the second semester when Hinata was in her 10th grade. An English teacher, he asked everyone to rise and talk for 1-2 minutes about themselves, their hobby and so on. When he reached Hinata and noticed that she was just staring at him he found that extremely strange but the others didn't seem bothered so he went near her and asked her.

"What's your name?"

For the first time someone looked into her eyes while asking or telling her something and Hinata was so close to answering when a voice came from behind and cut her off.

"It's no use sensei, none heard her speak in ages"

Hinata just sat back and started to write 'Hinata Hyuga, 16 born 27 dec. I enjoy drawing and writing' at the end of the class she gave the small piece of paper to Kakashi-sensei.

And so another rumor started, 'have you heard? Hinata talked to the new teacher!' 'I think they are a couple' 'The director can't expel her or fire him since there is no evidence'. Hinata didn't seem bothered by the words traveling the school, but Kakashi-sensei would watch her just to be sure she was fine. He expected her to cry and make everything a drama like every teen would have done but she just…ignored it all.

Neji once again came to talk her.

"Hinata, I'm going to leave before you, I don't have detention today"

Without thinking Hinata, started again at her cousin, but he wasn't leaving like he usually did. He was waiting for something, expecting something, daring her to do something. He was tired of her being 'mute' he missed her voice, but seeing that she had no intentions to talk he grew angry.

"Talk damn it!"

She didn't even blink.

"Ok"

That was the first thing she said since she was 13, after 3 years of not talking she finally said something, 'ok' that was fine Neji could work with that. But when her voice reached the ears of her classmates they all turned to her shock on their faces, but that didn't last for more than a moment.

"I'll see you home"

She just nodded, a word today was already too much, let's not exaggerate. Neji left with a smile on his face, that day Hanabi hugged her. That day felt like a piece of a day from long ago, when Hinata talked, Neji smiled and Hanabi showed feelings apart from being angry and pissed off.

The next day when the math teacher asked her a question about one of the exercise Hinata looked him in the eye and answered '24'. The answer was right, the teacher felt proud and even some of her classmates that liked her cheered for her out loud, it was embarrassing, well it would have been but Hinata didn't mind it at all.

A few weeks later in English class, Kakashi-sensei asked Hinata to read her homework which was a story 2 pages long. Everyone had their eyes set on her, wondering if she was going to do it or not. Hinata just opened her notebook and she started to read, it felt easier for her because it was just like when she's alone reading her own stories, singing to herself, before she even had time to fight it a smile appeared on her face.

When the class ended one of the girls came to her desk, she had honey colored eyes, red-orange hair and dark skin, Hinata knew her name and face, Karui. She also knew that she was loud and kind of a tomboy. This time Karui didn't say anything, she just placed a hand on Hinata's shoulder and smiled before leaving the room.

2\. Gaara

He was breathing, the mask covering his face would be steamed from time to time, his heart was beating, the machine next to him was proving it and yet why was the doctor looking like that? They were doctors, actors they were supposed to smile all the time giving off fake hope because once hope is gone there is nothing they could hang onto.

Hinata's hope was long gone, her mother took it with her a few years ago when she ran away, what Hinata was holding on to was Gaara, he was her rope, she didn't realize but somewhere along the way her hands got tired so she put the rope around her neck, hanging. Gaara saved her for the past 2 years but now…

Hanabi looked inside the room at the 2 dying teens. One physically the other mentally.

She couldn't help but blame herself for all of this, if only she was strong enough to hold both herself and Hinata sane her sister wouldn't have gone and depended on Gaara. Neji once asked her if she blamed Gaara but she couldn't, it wasn't his fault, actually he was everything she wanted to be.

He helped Hinata fly while himself was falling a little deeper. He never once look pitiful, never.

Xxxx

Hinata was 16 almost 17 when school started in September and in her class there was a new student. Around that time Hinata started talking again a little bit and it eased Hanabi's pain even if only a little.

That day Hinata came into her room, she was glowing. Her eyes were wide open and she was almost smiling, almost. She opened her mouth and whispered "I met a God" before leaving the room.

The following day Hanabi went to eat lunch with her sister, something they did once or twice each month, she wanted to ask about the God, but she couldn't bring herself to even call her name. Hinata was sitting at someone elses's desk, staring, something she did a lot, at the back of Gaara's head.

He was the new classmate that was seated in front of her(now that she changed her desk). Hinata's eyes were larger than usual and she seemed to be holding back the need to touch his neck. Hinabi couldn't look for more than 2 seconds at her sister and the new boy, the image looked so intimate Hanabi's face turned 10 shades of red.

Xxxx

Gaara told her once that she looked at him like he was a hero and she wanted to deny it, she wanted to say something else but it was too embarrassing.

It was simple, he wasn't a hero because the first time they met she thought he was a God, he had to be, why else would he be shining? Why else would everything disappear when he was close? Why was he the only colored person in her black and white world?

When Kakashi-sensei introduced him as a new student in their class, he bowed in front of them all and Hinata couldn't help but think that was wrong, they were supposed to bow to him, he asked to be taken care of but she knew better, he was the one taking care of them. His eyes were teal and they seemed to be able to see the soul apart from the body. Did he see her black soul? Did he see her empty eyes? He took a seat a couple desks away. He had fire instead of hair, his eyes were surrounded by thick dark lines, on his forehead he had the word 'love' tattooed.

The next day without even thinking Hinata sat in the desk behind him not caring about the classmate that used to sit there, none asked her about it. She wasn't able to pay attention in class or pretend she did. His neck was slender and pale, his red hair was sticking up on the nape of his neck and she wanted to reach out and touch it, his shoulders weren't board, he was skinny, he wasn't very tall, but she knew it was all an act. He was a God, he disguised himself as a man, a boy so none will see it, but she saw it, his powers pouring out of his body covering him into a bright yellow flow.

During the class after lunch break (she forgot to eat, also she noticed he didn't eat either) she slipped and reached her hand out trying to touch his shoulder, but as soon as her finger tips brushed the yellow energy around him he turned, his face was closer then it was yesterday, her fingers almost touching his cheek. The class disappeared and there was only him, he had to be a God.

After looking at her for some time Gaara turned back to the black board, the second his eyes left her there was sound again, the teacher was back.

The bell rang and most of her classmates left the room to go meet with friends from other classes, but she didn't move, he was still there. He looked at her during the class and it was like his eyes transported her to another world, a world where breathing wasn't necessary, a world where only he existed.

"I'm Gaara Subaku, probably you knew that since I only introduced myself yesterday but…"

His eyes were on her again, he talked to her, his voice from close was different it made her vibrate, her fingers twitched and she wanted to touch him again, to make sure he was real.

"Hinata…"

She managed to tell him her name and smile a little, just a little. He nodded and opened his mouth to say something else but Hinata touched his hand that was on her desk.

He stopped. She wasn't breathing. He looked at her hand. She was looking at his hair, why didn't anyone ask where his hair was and why there was an eternal flame on his head? He didn't know what to do. Her lungs hurt a little.

"It's nice to meet you"

Finally he settled for those words and she wanted to say 'same' but choked. He raised an unexisting brow. She coughed some more. He laughed and she stopped and looked at him, he was so beautiful, how didn't anyone else see it?

Xxxx

That day when classes were over Hinata started packing and getting ready to leave and find Hanabi and Neji already in the limo, she was slow, always got there last, no one said anything about it. But something was different because Gaara got up yet he didn't leave he was near his chair looking at her over his shoulder.

She was slow. Her hands seemed to be packing her books with slow motion and he laughed again which made her look at him. Her eyes got a little bigger and with one fluid motion she dumped everything from her desk in her bag, she got up a little too fast and got dizzy, his white hand was on her shoulder trying to steady her. The place he touched was burning, for a second she wondered if the yellow energy was burning off her clothes and skin but when she looked everything was intact.

He was looking at her a small smirk on his lips.

"You ok?"

You could hear the amusement in his voice. Hinata gulped before nodding a couple of times. He chuckled a bit but didn't let go of her shoulder, not yet. Her heart was beating fast not only because the God was touching her but also because she hadn't had much physical contact with anyone for a long time. It was the same feeling when Karui touched her shoulder after she read that paper last year.

"I have horrible orientation is space"

Gaara said matter-of-factly, but that had to be a lie, he had no flaws. Either way Hinata still stared at him and nodded.

"I'm afraid I will get lost"

He lowered his face a little, his eyes were at the same level as hers. Gaara wasn't very tall but he was taller than Hinata. His hand moved and Hinata almost felt disappointed.

"I was thinking maybe you'd help me. Yesterday I wandered around for nearly 3 hours before I got somehow home"

Without even thinking Hinata chuckled. His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. Gaara didn't tell her where he lived and something told her he wouldn't.

"T-there's a nice café near the school"

"Perfect"

They started walking. Gaara matched her slow steps. For a second she watched his hand and wanted to take it in her hands. But that was too much, only thinking about it made her tremble. She raised both hands to her chest pressing a little to where her heart was, trying to slow it down.

They passed the hallways filled with laughter and loud voices. It was time to go home, everyone was rushing. They walked slow. Finally her limo was in view and seeing it made her feel guilty. Neji and Hanabi waited for her and she wasn't even going home with them.

Hinata asked Gaara to wait while she told the driver she'd be walking home.

Gaara didn't question her about the limo, he didn't ask her anything. After 10 minutes of walking in silence Hinata opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out of her mouth.

"Are you always this quiet?"

She stopped in her tracks and looked up at him.

"A-actually…I talked a lot today, with you"

To this he laughed a little and touched her hand.

"I see. So I should feel special"

"T-the café is just a little further down this street"

Her words were quiet but spoken fast almost mending into one, Gaara nodded and they started walking, the back of his hand still brushing against her now and then.

Xxxx

"Do you want to hang around or do some school work? Like the Japanese assignment?"

Hinata nodded and watched as he took his notebook from his bag and opened it but didn't start writing. Instead he rose his hand, getting one of the waiter's attention. Hinata panicked.

"I'd like a black coffee, also a honey croissant. Hinata?"

"A cinnamon bun and hot chocolate!"

She said that at least 15 times in her head before finally uttering the words out. They also came louder then she expected and faster. After the waiter smiled at them and left Hinata covered her face with her hands.

"Aren't you going to get your notebook out?"

Gaara didn't say anything about her loud voice or about her red face and shaky hands.

In the end Hinata started writing as well, the order was brought, the cups were the first to empty and Gaara ordered another set of the same things (without the patisseries).

With a sigh of relief Gaara closed his notebook and placed it back along with his pen when he turned back to look at Hinata she was packing as well. He raised again his 'brow', before he finished he looked at her, she wasn't even half way done and she was in the middle of a sentence. He chuckled.

"Let's enjoy slow the sweets, no need to rush right?"

How come she never noticed that Gaara kept asking that, no need to rush, why rush, we have time, right.

They sat in silence, now and then Gaara would ask her something and she'd answer, or he'd tell her something about himself and she'd nod with a half smile on her face. Gaara was the only person that looked her in the eyes when he spoke, well apart from Kakashi-sensei. She was rather surprised when she realized she enjoyed his gaze on her.

Xxxx

That evening when she got home she ignored Hanabi who asked her a question and went right to her room. She was determinate to finish her homework. She opened the notebook and stood at her desk but she couldn't remember what she was about to write. The unfinished sentence made no sense and all she could think about was Gaara.

Xxxx

After Kakashi-sensei started teaching her class Hinata started doing her homework again, even if not all of it, at least she tried. But that was slowly drifting away. Her and Gaara made it their habit to do the homework at that café but Hinata never finished as fast as he did and once she was home it seemed like she forgot how to read and write and her thoughts were flooded with the red haired God.

When people started seeing them going home together and sometimes talking in class rumors started again, they were dating, that was what was said all around the school. Hinata didn't deny them, which was normal for her but she expected Gaara to. He didn't either. Actually, now and then he'd call her 'babe' or something like this as a joke, every time he did her face became 10 shades darker.

Xxxx

They were walking as usual down the halls their hands barely touching. A boy looked at them and Hinata remembered him as being the urban myth, the one that some time ago shouted his feelings for her in the cafeteria during lunch. The said boy whispered something under his breath before asking rather loud if they were off to another date. None laughed but they were looking and Hinata felt uncomfortable. Gaara looked at her and smiled and brushed a little longer his hand against hers. She smiled back.

Xxxx

"Maybe we should. What do you think?"

"Should what?"

After some time Hinata felt more at home around Gaara, she talked to him more. She even started rambling a few times which surprised both of them. Neji and Hanabi were again people she talked to everyday and no matter how much they tried to hide it they felt relieved. Hinata was being normal once again, even if only around a few people, it was more than they could have asked for.

"Date"

Hinata dropped her fork. This time she ordered blueberry cheese cake and an un sweetened ice tea. The fork landed on the plate with a rather loud clatter, Hinata almost choked on the piece of cake she just placed in her mouth and Gaara was looking at her rather amused while drinking his Cola.

"Something wrong?"

He asked her with half a laughter and offered Hinata her drink. She nodded her head and drank. Her face was red and she was slightly trembling.

Finally after she calmed Hinata gave him her best glare. When he didn't seem to be affected she sighed.

"Um..are you asking f-for real?"

She was very embarrassed what if he was only joking and she made such a big fuss about it?

"Yea, for real. Hinata would you like going out with me?"

He leaned a little towards her over the table and she couldn't help but do the same, he was so close to her, his breath was on her face. It smelled of chocolate mint from the cake he just finished. The cake looked rather good and she wanted to ask for a bite but was too shy. Something wild went through her mind, she could still taste it even if the plate was empty…right?

"Ok"

They were so closed barely inches apart but Gaara smiled and pulled back, placing his hand onto hers. He seemed pleased.

"Thank God. After the way you reacted I thought you'd say no"

He chuckled a bit and his cheeks were dusted with pink. Seeing his blush made her breath catch in her throat. She did that to him, he was blushing because of her.

xxxx

During the next few days not much change apart from the fact that they hold hands now rather than just walking with their hands touching. Gaara held her hand during breaks too, he was smiling more and that made Hinata so happy she felt like singing most of the time. Her head was in clouds while her grades were slowly falling from A and B+ to only B- and an occasional C.

Xxxx

"I'll help you study. The finals are close. And after that we can go on our first date"

Gaara was right the semester was almost over. She met Gaara only 4 months ago and they started dating 2 weeks ago but she couldn't remember her life before him.

"Ok, that's sounds good"

And it did then but when studying actually became involved she couldn't focus on the words written down, all she could focus on was the slender hand on her book following the problem she had to solve, or the warm shoulder touching hers or the knee that was so close to hers she could feel the yellow energy around it. After 20 minutes Hinata gave up. Gaara got up and seated himself on the opposite side of the table. He was chuckling while she was groaning her face in the notebook.

"No good huh?"

She shook her head not caring that she probably bent a few pages from her book.

"Iz oul ior folt"

Hinata muttered her face still in her book. Gaara looked at her and shook his head.

"How about we stop for the day?" He asked while getting up "I'll walk you home"

That was the first time he offered to walk her. Hinata looked a little worried.

"Will you be able to get home?"

When he first told her he was lost in space she didn't believe it but once after they left the café and Hinata realized she forgot something at school and he looked like a lost puppy trying to remember in which direction the school was, she was stunned.

"Ugh..it's early. I'll be fine"

It was February, the winter was almost over but the freezing cold still lingered. Gaara didn't know that Hinata's birthday passed and she didn't tell him that. Gaara did give her a Christmas gift and she gave him one as well during the Holidays, before they started dating.

Gaara was very close to her, his right hand was holding her right one and the left was around her shoulder. He was half a step behind her.

Today he ate a vanilla and black berry cake while she had the honey croissant, just like he did when they first went there. His breath was warming up her neck and the sweet scent made her crazy. This time she did ask for a bite and it tasted wonderful. She was wondering if he tasted the same.

They reached Hinata's street, across the street from her house was a small play ground. They were standing in the middle of it and Hinata was trying to explain how he could get home from here without going back to the café. She was gesturing and looking at him making sure he wasn't spacing off.

"Got it?"

"Not even close"

Hinata chuckled and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her as well. And whispered

"I'll call you when I get home, don't expect it to be anytime soon"

His breath hit her face and he was the closest he'd ever been to her. Her eyes were on him still thinking about the cake. He smiled and let go of her but placed his hand on her cold cheek.

Their first kiss, her first kiss was her best memory. His warm hand was on her cheek her hand on top of it. His other hand brushed her bangs slightly and he chuckled a bit because she was shaking a little. He titled his head to the right and smiled at her, his eyes focused on her face. He kissed her cheek and then the corner of her mouth and straightened himself to look at her now deep red face. His smile ever present every time she was around seemed to be more stunning than ever. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, soft at the beginning then he put a little more pressure. Hinata's free hand was on his shoulder trying to steady herself and his was on the back of her head bringing her a little closer.

Their lips didn't move. He didn't cross a line, they had all the time in the world, why rush?

After a few more second Gaara pulled away to let her breath. She sighed, her heart was beating in her ears, she couldn't hear her own thoughts. She looked up at him, he was smiling so beautiful and that made her cry. Her finger tips brushed his cheek and he held onto her hand and kissed her knuckles. His eyes closed offering her a second to cry.

Only remembering that moment made her cry because he was so elegant, he was so beautiful and kind. And he lied. They didn't have all the time in the world, they didn't have time at all.

Xxxx

Hinata couldn't understand what was happening. Why was Temari crying? Why was Hanabi looking at her like that? Why was THAT RETARDED DOCTOR TAKING OFF HIS MASK?

The nurse told her to let go of his hand and Hinata was about to snap at her but she stopped, she couldn't hear it. The beep. There wasn't a beep anymore. The line was still, straight. But instead there was a scream, loud and she wanted the scream to stop it would bother him, the nurse asked her to be quiet. She was the one screaming.

They were taking him away and she wanted to run after him, he couldn't leave her. But Neji was holding her tight, trying to comfort her and also stop her from fleeing.

Tears were running down her face and she was chocking, she was right. She didn't remember how to live without him, how to breath air that wasn't in his lungs first.

Her eyes were closed and tears were making their way down her face. She opened them and looked at the slender, dead boy being carried away. He was just that. His hair wasn't fire, his skin didn't radiate, the God died.

Hanabi was hugging her as well. Temari and Kankuro's silent sobs were each breaking her heart a little more. The empty room and the bitter smell made her want to throw up. He was inside that room for the past 2 months and nothing smelled like him, rather he smelled like the hospital did.

Xxx

Gaara Subaku saved her. She met him the winter she turned 17, now the spring after her 19th birthday was once again black and white. She was so used with everything being at full brightness, he made her feel normal again, he made her want to talk because there were so many things she wanted to tell him, he made her want to smile because he once told her he loved her smile, he made her want to kiss him because he was addicting.

He was her rope, her pillar. But in the end it was that rope that she hang herself with, it was the pillar she held onto that fell and crushed her bones. Gaara was her hero, he was someone that didn't have time but he still walked slow with her down the streets. Gaara was someone that held the weight of the world on his shoulder but yet he still carried her books while she was walking around light like a feather, Gaara was someone that loved her more than she deserved and she loved him back. It was because of all of this that it was so hard for her to let go.

Gaara was forever fighting his own fight with Duchenne muscular dystrophy, he never once told her about it. 2 months ago when he fell during classes Kakashi called for an ambulance.

It was Temari that told her what Gaara had, it was also her that asked Hinata to treat him normal and she did.

Hinata looked up everything about his illness. 1 out of 60000 males had it, the muscles destroyed themselves and were replaced by tissue additive. Usually the victims die when they are around 20 because their lungs muscles fail and they can't breathe anymore.

Gaara stopped breathing that day. March 21. That spring day the sun shined, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The birds sang and the cold air suddenly stopped. The heavens were celebrating they had to be after all…their God with fire hair was back.

But he left a huge hole in Hinata's heart and she cried and cried, it was hard to breath and she kept wondering if Gaara felt that pain when he was trying to breath at the end as well…

3\. Grey

Unlike in movies it didn't rain. Unlike in movies the cemetery wasn't full of people crying even if they had no idea who Gaara was. Unlike in movies Hinata didn't stay still accepting all of this. Neji was there holding her in a tight hug. His arms first covered her when they were about to lower the casket and she took a step closer almost in an attempt to go down in the hole with Gaara. Her action made Hanabi cry. After the hole was completely covered everyone that wanted had a few moments alone to talk to Gaara. Hinata didn't, not during the funeral. After everyone left she stayed behind, a feet or so away from the tombstone. Her fingertips brushed against it. They followed Gaara's name a million times. She thought about his cold, unmoving body 6 feet under the ground, his beautiful arms that held her, his legs that walked the same path with her each day, his chest that she could lean into, his back that she'd touch in the dark, his eyes that followed her around, his silk hair that she ran her fingers through on rainy days, his soft lips that she kissed a million times. Oh how she wished she could do it all over again. Every touch, every second she wanted then to replay over and over again. She wished to be stuck in a loop.

She didn't talk, not at the beginning, she couldn't, she didn't know what she was supposed to tell him, it made her mad at herself.

She went back to school only to take her finals, she gave the papers blank having only written her name. The teachers passed her anyway. Except for those days she was always there, the cemetery. After a sleepless night she found many things she wanted to share with Gaara even now so she didn't stop talking, also because she knew Gaara's efforts would have been in vain if she let herself go again. She talked to him, told him all her secrets, all her thoughts, she cried each time even if she knew he loved her smile she couldn't bring herself to smile not when he was under the cold ground.

Almost 7 months later Hinata was still there, she missed the end high school exams last June, she missed the University admitting exam last July. Hanabi forced her to go attempt the autumn exams and that is how she ended up here, University for psychology, Hinata knew Hanabi convinced her to go there in an attempt to fix herself. During one of the courses Hinata fell asleep and she dreamt of him as usually. But something was off. Her eyes fluttered open and she panicked. She got up and left the class without even thinking. Hinata's fingers dialed his number but it didn't ring anymore, they disconnected his phone a month after he died. Her new phone sat on the floor broken, much like the other one.

She could remember the way he smiled at her, she remembered how her heart stopped when he fell in the classroom and how she didn't leave his hospital room for 2 days. Gaara asked her to go and sleep and she did. For 3 weeks almost this was their routine. On January 18 around 2 am her phone rang. Temari called her. Hinata stopped breathing and answered, the words "His eyes closed […] he's in a coma" didn't make sense and then they did and then they didn't and she screamed and cried and Ko could only watch.

She could remember the way his cold boney hand felt into hers. But there was something she forgot. His voice wasn't loud and clear anymore in her thoughts and dreams it was a light buzz. The way he chuckled when she did something silly was an image she couldn't recall anymore. Piece by piece, day by day she forgot him. She felt betrayed for his sake. How could she forget him? Why did she forget him? Wasn't he her love ?

This things started to happen more often and each time she ended up at the same place. In front of Gaara begging him for forgiveness.

"Hello my love" Her voice was meek a little above a whisper. The autumn wind was colder then she remembered it being, maybe because last autumn Gaara was there holding her, he made the wind stop, the rain always seemed to avoid them, the sun always shined on the path he walked because he was a God and he did all of those for her. On her birthday last year it was strangely warm for a winter day and she knew he did it, so she thanked him and he only laughed and asked if it was that obvious he did it for her, of course it was.

"Once again I did something absolutely disgusting" she was full on crying now and this was only the second sentence. "I went to eat something before coming here, I went to that little restaurant from downtown where we used to go, you remember? Of course you do. I…I can't remember which you liked more. Was it the blueberry or the blackberry lemonade"

With each word she spoke her head bended a little lower, from this position she could barely see the quote on his stone. She remembered when she asked Temari to write 'a God in a world of humans' sadly she didn't agree. They wrote the usual, a loving son and brother.

When she went for the first final at school the school psychologist kind of forced her to go in his office and talk, he went on and on about how it wasn't her fault and that in time the pain would go away. But he was dead wrong. Gaara left a wound on her heart and soul that would not close or scar it was still bleeding and hurting just as the first time, it wasn't the pain that went away it was Gaara and that scared her so bad. When she first realized she forgot the name of his shampoo she was so scared to come and see him, her shame knew no limits. Now she was 'studying' to be just that, a liar. School just started a month ago but she still didn't write down a single sentence, she didn't know the name of any of her classmates or the names of her teachers.

Her head was bent so low her hair touched the ground, she was hugging herself and sobbing, it wasn't Gaara that she blamed for her pain, she blamed herself. When Gaara appeared in her dull world she ran towards him and hung onto him for dear life, her nails were piercing his skin, her legs were crossed over his waist and she allowed herself to see the world through his eyes, to hear it through his ears and feel it through his heart, but he disappeared and she forgot how to walk, see, hear, feel she was just crawling through the darkness, alone and scared.

"The funeral. I wanted to jump. In the hole right before they lowered the casket. I wanted them not to notice and let go of it, the hard wood to break all of my bones, I wanted to be there with you forever" Hinata imagined him saying 'I'm glad you didn't' but the voice was hers not his, she forgot how his voice sounded a few weeks ago.

Hinata finally rose her head and whispered a small prayer. She would have stayed longer but the gates would soon close. She made the mistake to stay too long once and found herself trapped, she had to jump the fence to leave. After that happened one of the nice guards told her that if she'd like he'd give her the key to the north gate, the one closer to her house but she refused. If she had the key and knew she could stay as long as she wished she would never leave.

2 weeks after Gaara's funeral her father knocked on her bedroom door and asked her to come see something. Hinata started crying and hugged her father for what felt like ages when she saw that in the living room there was a small altar near her uncle's there was no picture on it. When she finished crying she went to her room and chose the best picture she had of Gaara and put it there. Still she prefers to come to the cemetery and talk to him, it feels more natural.

She didn't know for how long she was supposed to wear black, Temari and Kanguro still wore black only. She wore black just at his Funeral but that was because on a date she wore a black dress and he said she looked better in pastel colors or dark colors, but colors.

She was about to leave when she remembered, blueberry, he liked blueberry. She did the only thing she could think of, walked back to the restaurant to drink a blueberry lemonade. Choji, the waiter was very nice to her and said she doesn't have to pay for it, she was sure it was because when she saw the tall glass filled with violet liquid and blueberries inside it she started crying again.

"This should be a crime, a girl as beautiful as you alone on a Friday evening"

This stranger was her age and he sat down where Gaara should have been. She wanted to say something but the words were caught in her throat. He had tan skin and grey-ish hair with deep burgundy eyes. She saw from the corner of the eye 2 girls, younger probably, looking at him and blushing a bit.

"Something wrong?"

Her focus was on him again, he was leaning in a bit and the closer he got the grey-er he looked. His eyes lost color and so did his skin, his hair never had color in the first place. Hinata closed her eyes and sucked her lips in. Before the stranger could say anything Choji appeared and asked him to leave Hinata alone.

"I was just trying to be nice, plus the lady doesn't mind right?"

Choji set down his tray and looked at Hinata, he touched her shoulder and asked if she was fine and if he should call for someone to pick her up.

"Yes please. Neji if you could"

Choji didn't even answer her and was already talking on the phone. Today was a bad day. She upset Gaara twice, first she forgot what he liked and then she told him about how for a second she wanted to die. His voice was still absent but she saw his disappointed face clear.

"I could take her home"

The stranger talked once again, Hinata forgot he was still there and Choji ignored him.

"Neji said he'll be here in 5, would you like another drink H-?"

He was about to call her name but stopped. Choji thought it was a bad idea if the stranger learned her name. When she and Gaara came here they befriended Choji, he was a sweet guy and always made them laugh and gave them discounts, even so Hinata knew that Gaara paid the full price all the time. "Don't abuse their kindness" he used to say that a lot. But she always abused his kindness anyway.

Choji wanted to stay with her until Neji arrived but he was working so that was impossible. Only after he left did her eyes fall back on the stranger, he didn't leave. Actually he was watching her, smiling at her a little.

"I'm Sora, You are…?"

Hinata just started at him a little. And rose her empty glass to drink a little but it was well…empty.

"Should I guess it? Since you don't seem to be the talkative type"

Her expression was completely blank. Sora gave a little awkward laugh.

"Hmm, Misaki? No that can't be right. The waiter wanted to say your name, it starts with H. Hana, Haruka, Hisa, Hayami. Am I even a little close?"

She didn't have to answer because Neji just walked in the restaurant and looked at her and at the stranger.

"You ready to go Hinata?"

"Ohh Hinata, of course, it was so obvious I feel ashamed"

Neji noticed the small things. The blueberry lemonade, her trembling hands and red cheeks.

"Hinata, are you alright?"

For a few seconds Neji's heart skipped a beat or two, she wasn't answering. No no no no no.

"Yes"

He couldn't help but sigh in relief, she answered.

"Should we leave?"

Honey buns. Gaara said they were the best thing he ate here.

"Could we…stay?"

Sora was only looking between the two. When Hinata asked to stay his smile got 10 times wider, but he was wrong she just wanted honey buns, it wasn't because she thought of his company as pleasant, far from it, she forgot about him again until she looked ahead and he was there…still there.

Neji nodded and took a seat. Sora shifted in his chair, his hands both on the table and he was once again leaning in.

"So Hinata, should we talk about something?"

But Hinata only looked to her right trying to find Choji. She was breathing hard. Honey buns. She needed them. She HAD to do something right today, maybe that way Gaara would smile, even if only a little. Not 2 minutes later Hinata already ordered another lemonade and honey buns, Neji only an espresso and well Sora…she didn't know it was almost as all his words never reached her.

Neji was looking at his hands, he wanted to ask Sora to go but on the other side he didn't know if he was Hinata's friend and she was clearly upset, he didn't want her to cry, not again. Hinata was looking at him. His straight nose and long hair. She hadn't stared at him for quite some time now, ever since Gaara appeared in the picture. Her brother, cousin changed a bit over the years. She could barely remember a girl with twin buns and a stubborn personality, she hadn't seen her in some time. She was the only girl Neji brought home 5 times. She was special.

"-sweet tooth"

Hinata looked again at Sora. Oh, he was still there and he was talking. Hinata almost told him to leave but the buns were placed in front of her and she felt her eyes water, they looked and smelled just like they used to. Gaara loved honey, she didn't particularly like it but since he died she put it in her tea, lemonade, cakes everything she could. Honey.

A tan hand was now over her plate and took one of the small buns. Hinata watched him place it in his mouth. And that was it. She cried. And Neji got up fast and hit the table a bit which made both his espresso and her lemonade fall over and the glass broke and the blueberries were on the ground. No no no no no. She was supposed to do 1 good thing today, only 1!

Sora looked shocked at the scene. Choji came fast and cleared the broken glass. Hinata was still crying. Neji was trying to calm her down but she didn't hear his words. People were looking, the younger girls looked at her with pity.

Neji wrapped his arms around her. He was talking to Choji and then whispering into her ear.

"It's ok, it's ok"

That she finally heard and she tried hard to stop crying. Sora was still looking, he didn't even shallow. There were only 4 small buns not 5.

"1 thing Neji, only 1 good thing. That's all I had to do and I-I-I-"

She was crying again.

"I know Hinata, but it's all good. We can fix this"

He always said that 'we can fix thins' but Neji was starting to doubt that he could help Hinata. Things didn't get better over time. Sure she was walking around the city and going to some classes but…it wasn't good enough. Half an year passed and she was still so broken.

"What just happened?"

Sora finally asked after he got over his shock.

"Just…stop talking"

Neji didn't know either. Hinata didn't make sense. But that wasn't something new. It was as if her mind kept making this strange connections and even the smallest thing could make Hinata bust in tears, but also when he or Hanabi would say something or do something Hinata would smile and the world would light up, sadly things usually upset her more often then made her smile.

Neji apologized to Choji and paid. Hinata ordered honey buns again this time to take them home. When they reached the house Hanabi was in the kitchen and when she saw her sister coming home holding a paper bag that smelled delicious she wanted to ask for one but before she could Hinata looked at the bag and sobbed and threw it on the ground.

"It's not the same!"

She walked to her room while screaming that.

Later that evening Hanabi could hear her sister talking to Gaara.

"I'm so sorry. I promise tomorrow I will do 1 good thing. I will go there again and I'll eat the buns. I promise!"

She sounded desperate. But Hinata knew that she won't go. It was over. The buns weren't a good thing anymore. It would be too late. That night Hinata left her room and entered Hanabi's the girls slept in the same bed, Hinata held her tight trying to force her bad thoughts away and Hanabi tried not to cry, because Hinata was long gone. They were so used to her being normal again and now this happened. She knew her sister depended on Gaara a lot but this…this was too much.

Hinata fell asleep and dreamt of Gaara and Hanabi cried because her family was broken in so many ways and she was tired of having bad days and not being able to tell her daddy while he held her and said everything was fine, she was tired of not being able to tell her older sister when the boy she kind of liked smiled at her on the hallways, she was tired of being in the same room as Neji and not being able to tell him that she was sorry and that she loved him.

Hanabi woke up in the middle of the night to find the other half of her bed empty. Hinata used to do this, walk around, she still does sometimes. It started again after Gaara died. Hanabi couldn't help but get curious so she left the warmness of her bed in hopes of finding her sister and she did, Hinata was in front of Gaara's picture.

It was the night that he closed his eyes, the oxygen mask wasn't yet in its place yet and Hinata wanted to kiss him but she didn't. "If at that time I would have kissed you Gaara would you have opened your beautiful eyes and look at me, would you have woken up and hug me with your boney arms and tell me it's all a miracle, would you have lived a little longer for me, would you have come back to me?" but she knew he wouldn't have, maybe in the second when her mouth touched his and the air was blocked he would have suffocated and he would have died 1 month earlier and she would have been able to blame herself then and maybe then she could have jumped because Neji wouldn't have held her because she was a murderer, but that didn't happen.

Hinata's sobbing was loud and painful, Hanabi's blood froze and she stopped breathing. 7 months and her sister was just as bad as the first day, her cries and words were desperate. Hanabi once again realized that she knew nothing. She thought her sister was better, she thought she didn't cry so much anymore but this was proving her wrong. Did Hinata do this every night? Why didn't she hear her before? Her back was pressed against the cold wall and she wished she could blend into it and disappear, she was silently crying as well, when she opened her eyes Neji was next to her listening to Hinata as well.

"I had a dream, about you, us. It was the day that you asked me out but…it went a little different because I can't remember what cake I ate or what color your shirt was and I can't hear the words ring into my head anymore…the sun isn't even up and I've already did something bad. Gaara please forgive me, I need you to forgive me so I can forgive myself"

Hanabi took a step to the right to look at her sister, she half expected Hinata to be gripping the altar and shaking it with all her strength until she got the answer she wanted but her sister was so low her forehead touched the floor, her hair was a mess all over the place, she was hugging herself. The image will always be imprinted on Hanabi's brain, even a few days later when she talked with or about Hinata that's all she saw, a desperate girl begging for the dead to give her an answer.

The following day after the bun incident Hinata chose not to attend classes, not like being there would do any good. She was trying hard to think of something good she could do to make Gaara smile but there was nothing. Her hands were tucked in her pockets her head was low watching her feet step, step, step. She wished she could ask Gaara what he wanted, she would do anything. It was hard, trying to give something to a God, what would he want? She told Gaara everything about herself yet why did she know so little about him?

The people on the streets were talking and the kids were shouting. Kids? Shouldn't they be at school? Oh, it was Saturday. The voices were loud, the cars passing by were loud, loud, loud even the dog barking in the background made her ears bleed. Her mind was spinning, so she stopped and stayed in place but the second she missed a step someone hit her shoulder with his own. Hinata didn't rise her head she only heard a small mumble, 'Sorry'.

The desperation feeling from the funeral was back and for a moment she considered moving 10 feet to the right, in the middle of the street, waiting for a car to honk her but run her over anyway. She felt like throwing up. Gaara had his life taken away and she was thinking of throwing hers away.

She started moving again, falling back into the monotonous crowd of gray people walking on a gray pavement under the gray sky, they were all gray, all of them, Hinata rised her head looking around desperate, they were all gray

The autumn rainstorm started two days ago, the weather didn't seem to calm down, it seemed like it will rain all week, even so it didn't stop her from going to see Gaara every day. Some may say that she has lost her mind, that she was holding on to him way too strong…they weren't really wrong. But she wasn't going to stop it.

She loved the smell of rain and lightning, the sound of thunder and water falling and hitting her umbrella, the cold made her even so slight numb, she loved this weather because it made her feel at peace. Last autumn she loved this weather because Gaara would walk so close to her, his chest touching her back, his arms around her.

The cemetery gate was iron, quite heavy to move, quite cold to the touch. She pushed it open and left him behind. She tried so hard not to think about the rain water getting into the ground to him, making everything a mess, mud everywhere, bugs, worms, eating at his rotten flesh leaving only his bones behind…The harder she tried not to think the clearer the image got in her mind.

'Don't think about that Hinata'

She stopped and took a deep breath in, she won't think about it. Gaara told her not to. Since the bun incident she started hearing his voice again, just like he would whisper into her ear. It made her happier, he was still here with her, in her soul, in her heart. Like she saw, heard, breathed through him for 2 years she would allow him to live through her for eternity.

"Hinata? Why aren't you using the umbrella? You'll catch a cold"

…When did she close her eyes? when did she lower the umbrella to allow the rain to soak her ? Under a pretty floral umbrella was Temari, looking at her worried, yet still smiling.

Hinata raised her umbrella to the sky and was sheltered from the water. Her eyes were puffy, her hands red from the cold and beside her wet clothes her boots were very muddy, last time even if she seemed a little lost she was at least neat.

"Something wrong honey?"

Hinata's smile at that moment could clear the sky from clouds, you could see her teeth. The blonde girl felt her heart waver.

"Nothing wrong, why would there be anything wrong?"

'She's right you'll catch a cold Hinata, go home'

Garaa's voice in her head only made her smile grow, she breathed in deep and took a step forward, her cold and numb hand touched Temari's gloved one, only a brush, just for a second.

"I think I should go home, you're right I don't want to catch a cold…I won't catch a cold" Her smile was still present until the very end, Hinata lowered her voice a little for the last part, but she seemed all right.


End file.
